If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
