Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone signed my nipple.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
