I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
