Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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