trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
