I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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