I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
