i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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