I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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