I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You smell like stripper and shame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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