The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
