I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Green mimosas i think yes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
