its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
