omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
