I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize