My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
