I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
