dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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