i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
