I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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