dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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