you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
