I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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