Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
