So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
