so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
