nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
