My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
