I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
