my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
