fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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