i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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