Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
