margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
