I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
