Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
