Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
