new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
