i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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