Got a toothbrush?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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