I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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