1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
