Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.