We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.