So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
