Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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