feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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