Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
