Im at strip club and am horny
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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