Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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