Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
