I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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