My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize