It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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