My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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