I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
