I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
