I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
