I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
