um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
