38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
