In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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